The school board has ordered that biology teachers at Dover Area High School make students "aware of gaps/problems" in the theory of evolution. Their ninth-grade curriculum now must include the theory of "intelligent design," which posits that life is so complex and elaborate that some greater wisdom has to be behind it.

In the spirit of fairness, they have also been ordered to make students aware of "gaps" in the "Theory of Jesus" including how a infinite being became finite by coming to Earth, died and then became infinite again by ascending, and also the "Theory of Evil" which holds that an all-powerful and all-good God nevertheless created an evil, intolerant world. Explanations are also to be forthcoming on the "Theory of Non-Evidentiary Argumenuts", the "Theory of Revisionist Histories", the "Theory of Selective MIstranslation from the Hebrew" and the 'Theory of Discarding the First Amendment".

A. S. Keptic, Investigative Reporter, Dover, Pa.