Breaking News- School Teachers in Athen,s Georgia are planning on returning to Aristotle's original account of gravitation or of why human beings don't float away from the Earth's surface. According to Aristotle, human beings, along with the planet Earth, belong to the class of sub-lunary things, and therefore are attracted to each other. The stars, on the other hand, are super-lunary things and thus stay away from the earth's surface. This is in response to what the teachers are calling "problems/gaps" in the theory of gravitation.

In related news, teachers in Santa Fe New Mexico have begun teaching the Zuni account of how human beings emerged from under the earth's surface when their Spider Mother told them to go look at the world above ground, as a theory on the origin of human beings. In response to reporter's questions they said, "Christians aren't the only people from the desert with ideas about where we came from- why should they get all the attention?" Rev. Falwell could not be reached for comment.